I'm Their Leader, Which Way Did They Go?

I was telling this friend of mine last night (whom I rarely ever talk to) that I think I’ve undergone some kind of transition lately. Sometime over this last year or some such. I think it was gradual enough for me not to really notice, except to say ‘what the hell is wrong with me’ from time to time.

I was also saying that I think most, if not all, of my past friendships didn’t survive this transition. Given the events over the last few weeks, I am finding this more and more true. I am beginning to wonder if generalized inconsideration is somehow built into my personality; if it is, I wonder if I am somehow oversensitive to situations that I may deem inconsiderate or desensitized to my own actions. I suppose that sounds confusing.

"Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones." While it is a simplistic view of the above, it doesn’t really explain the feeling in it’s entirety. Here is what I do know… my list of allies grows thin – to quote some elf guy from one of those ring movies.

I had someone apologize today for something they did to me over the course of a month and a half. While the details now are unimportant, the fact remains they apologized. I am not sure why this happened, and the whole thing came across as more of a ‘conscience clearing’ on their part than it did a sincere apology. I am not even sure if they understand fully what they did.

But anyway.

I think I harbor this belief that all people are inherently good and true, and when I find out they aren’t, it completely wipes me out; which is really funny because I am not good and true. At least I don’t think so. Trying to figure one’s self out is always fun. Maybe, one day, I will get it all right.